Changing family structures create new holiday traditions

Courtney Maxwell-Alves gives a succinct description her schedule around the holiday season.

"It's a little chaotic," said the 23-year-old, an intern curator at an art gallery in downtown Hamilton. "And it's a lot of people."

'There is a growing tendency for families to create their own traditions and rituals based on their own particular circumstances.'—Melanie Heath, McMaster

It's a lot of travelling, too. She spends the week of Christmas in Toronto, where she resides, and attends a big holiday dinner at her aunt's house in Hamilton. And she usually travels to Kingsville, a four-hour drive southwest of Toronto, to spend a week with her father.

Unsurprisingly, Maxwell-Alves's holiday itinerary — and her hyphenated surname — are the result of her family's structure. Her parents split up when she was a toddler, and then moved on to have children with other partners.

Families like Maxwell-Alves's represent a kind of new normal in Canada, says Melanie Heath, an assistant professor of sociology at McMaster University who studies changes in the cultural role of marriage.

"In 1961, married couples accounted for 91.6 per cent of Canadian census families," Heath says, citing figures from Statistics Canada. "By 2011, this number had dropped to 67 per cent."

Courtney Maxwell-Alves is an intern curator at an art gallery in downtown Hamilton. Her holiday schedule involves spending time with her mom's family in the Toronto and then travelling to visit her Dad's family Kingsville, Ont., about 40 km southeast of Windsor. (Cory Ruf/CBC)

"This decrease was mostly a result of the growth of common-law couples. Divorce increased substantially in Canada after the passage of the Divorce Act in 1968."

These trends, in addition the growth of multiculturalism, the advancement of gay rights and the loosening of traditional gender roles, have rendered the Leave It to Beaver-style brood a relic of a bygone era.

New traditions

The increasing diversity of family structures has major implications during the holiday season, already a stressful time for many Canadians.

"Family life is much more complicated today, and means some negotiating and travelling to multiple households to celebrate the holidays," Heath points out.

Inevitably, some families may struggle to figure out workable arrangements. Others are able to adapt more successfully.

"There is a growing tendency for families to create their own traditions and rituals based on their own particular circumstances," Heath notes.

Emily Lukasik, a musical theatre student at Sheridan College, shops for Christmas gifts at a store in downtown Hamilton on Dec. 21. (Cory Ruf/CBC)

Perhaps a good example of this is the group photos Emily Lukasik's family has from her childhood Christmases.

The 18-year-old's parents took in approximately 30 foster children between the time Lukasik was born and her graduation from high school. Some stayed for weeks, others for year, says the Hamilton native.

"It was cute to see my grandma take the family portrait every year, because it was a different family depending on which foster kids we had.

"But she would never hesitate to take the picture."

'It's a challenging time of year'

Though her relatives may have promoted a welcoming environment for everyone in attendance, as Lukasik grew older, she realized Christmas dinners were a tough time for her foster siblings, who often came from less-than-stable homes.

Whatever stressors one experiences during the rest of the year are "always magnified at Christmas," she says.

It's the same observation that's motivated The Well, a local social service organization, to develop its own "family" tradition: a special holiday meal for members of Hamilton's LGBTQ community.

"We have an annual get-together on Christmas Day for members of our community who, for whatever reason, are not able or not willing to go home," says Jae Adams, the centre's programming coordinator.

Many non-heterosexual people, he says, face discrimination at home — or may even be estranged from their families — because of their sexual orientation.

Some, he adds, attend The Well's holiday feast in addition to, not in lieu of, spending time with their respective families.

"We try to increase our programming when other services might be slowing down."

He has a message for members of the LGBTQ community who are feeling alone or overwhelmed during the holiday season: "It's a challenging time of year, and just to stay strong and know that they're wonderfully supported in their own communities and to try to survive the best they can."

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